- Stay Connected
Yes on 74 is a vote for equality
By Holly Teige
Love should not have to be measured by a count of ballots. Yet this is exactly what the lesbian and gay community has been forced to endure with Referendum 74. We have been made to justify our families and our commitments in order to secure the very same civil rights so many others in our state already enjoy. I have spent countless hours raising awareness of this critical issue. As a long-time area resident and mother, I ask you now to please read my reasons for spending afternoons in the rain, holding my signs, asking for your support. As you do, please consider what it might feel like for you to stand in my shoes.
How will approving Referendum 74 affect you? Unless you are gay or lesbian, it won’t.
How will approving Referendum 74 affect me? A vote to approve Referendum 74 will affirm my status as an equal citizen. It will give my children the ability to say that their mom is married rather than forcing them to explain to their young friends what a domestic partnership is. Approving Referendum 74 will give my wife the security of knowing she has automatic access to my hard-earned retirement. It will guarantee my wife will be able to see me in the hospital without having to rush home and get documentation of our partnership. A vote to approve Referendum 74 will give my wife the ability to make funeral arrangements for me, if needed, and share in my estate without providing proof of our commitment.
Most importantly, approving Referendum 74 will give my family, my friends, and me a shared language when discussing how adults express their love. When I explain that I have a partner I am often asked with surprise what business I own. I am then compelled to explain that for me the term ‘partner’ is a stand-in for ‘wife’ because my state doesn’t recognize our loving commitment as being equal to those of opposite-sex spouses. “Husband,” “wife,” and “spouse” are all universally understood words that convey exactly the role of loving honor that we take on when making a life commitment to another person, regardless of gender.
What about the children? Having access to loving parents in a secure family unit is a fundamental need of healthy childhood development. In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics insists there is no difference in the quality of upbringing between children of same-sex parents and children of opposite-sex parents. Approving Referendum 74 will insure that the children of same sex couples in Washington State have the same protections as the children of opposite sex couples.
Isn’t the existing law enough? No. Do domestic partnerships already give all the benefits of marriage? No, they don’t. It is not the same. Domestic partners in Washington State are required to carry a state-issued card as proof of their relationship. No one should be forced to carry papers to prove his or her commitment. Just as with heterosexual couples, their vows, rings and their love should be enough to prove their union as valid as any other couple in a committed and loving relationship.
Won’t this change what the word “marriage” means? No. Only you and your spouse can define your marriage through your commitment to a life together. No civil law change can influence what the word “marriage” means to you and it is civil law we are concerned with. Religious opinions are personal for everyone and the effort to allow same-sex marriage fully respects the rights for all clergy to decide whom they marry.
Approving Referendum 74 proves to the nation and the world that Washington is a leader in the arena of social progress. Your vote on this issue will determine whether we choose to stand as a whole community in support of every citizen, or continue to fracture and divide between perceived social groups.
As I mentioned in the beginning, please consider how it might feel to stand in my shoes at this critical junction of social progress. Would you feel confident that you were equal to your neighbor? That you could go down on bended knee and ask someone to make a commitment to you in the same way that your father may have? Maybe you wonder if you will ever be able to refer to your loved one as your spouse, wife, or husband? Perhaps you spend time thinking about how to explain to your children that their community simply didn’t think their mom was equal. That their mom did not deserve to enjoy the same civil rights as the rest of society. These thoughts and many more go through my mind every day.
Referendum 74 confers upon all couples in Washington the right to have a loving, committed relationship recognized by civil law. It gives all couples the rights and responsibilities that come with the commitment to marriage, regardless of gender. All we in the lesbian and gay community are asking for is equality. Please vote to approve Referendum 74, and insure that all citizens in Washington have equal access to marriage.
For those who may still have questions, on Thursday, Nov. 1 a Q & A Panel for Referendum 74 will be held at the Sno-Isle Library in Monroe from 6:30 – 8:30 p.m. Free refreshments will be provided, and all questions will be considered and answered by panel members. Additional members of the gay and lesbian community will be available for questions. This event is open to the public and is being sponsored by the Sky Valley GLBTQ Alliance to help raise awareness and improve understanding of the issue as we approach the election.
Holly Tiege is a founding member of the Sky Valley GLBTQ Alliance.
Jennie Brown
October 31, 2012 at 3:52 pm
Also (regarding the children), as someone who works with LGBTQ teens, it’s vital that we as a society tell them unconditionally, “We value you as a member of our society, and we offer you all the rights involved, with no caveats.” It’s disenfranchising to grow up in a place that, according to its laws, MOSTLY thinks you should get all the rights everyone else does, but not quite.
Andrea Jessee
October 31, 2012 at 4:32 pm
Very well said, Ms. Teige! And for those who still wonder what might happen if justice finally prevails, see it in a chart: http://www.prosebeforehos.com/political-ironing/04/11/what-will-happen-if-gay-marriage-is-legalized/
Meg
November 1, 2012 at 4:24 am
Good for you, very well put. My wife (yes, wife) and I are busy supporting you via Basic Rights Oregon and Washington United for Marriage.
Holly
November 5, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Same- sex unions represent .001% of marriages in Washington. Holly Teige declares that the majority of the population will not be affected by R-74. Let me tell you how this referendum WILL affect me, the community, and our society in general. First let us define traditional marriage: a man and a woman, lawfully wedded, as husband and wife. Marriage teaches that men and women need each other and that children need mothers and fathers. A loving and compassionate society comes to the aid of motherless and father less children, but no compassionate society intentionally deprives children of their own mom or dad.
Currently same-sex unions have the same legal rights as a traditional marriage. With the passing of this referendum schools will be forced to teach the majority of the population to recognize that a husband can be a woman or a man, and a wife can be a man or a woman, etc. Gays and lesbians have a legal right to live as they choose; they don’t have a right to redefine marriage for all of us. This minority speaks of tolerance and love. This country was founded on religious tolerance. Forcing someone to change their beliefs is not only unconstitutional, but jeopardizes our founding ideals.
You can’t rewrite the laws of nature. This issue is not just social and political. The family is the most fundamental unit of society. Social science research affirms the importance of marriage: Reduces risk of poverty, fatherless households increase crime, protects children’s physical and mental health, men and women live longer, healthier, and happier lives when married, cohabitation increases risk of domestic violence, child abuse, neglect, and lower grade point averages.
Additionally, Holly Teige sites the American Pediatrics Association. I have read their statement in entirety and they say nothing about the effects of same-sex couples raising children. In fact, other research suggests that similar risks to co-habitation exist in same-sex unions. I agree there should be legislature to protect children in the event of separation, illness, or death. But if the children are really your concern, why not legislate it that way? Thousands of years of history and social science research show that children do best when raised by a mother and a father.
Two years ago I supported the legal rights of same-sex couples. I also absolutely believe that legislation should be in place to support children and hold adults responsible for providing the necessities of life, protection, and the nurturing and development of all children. This referendum is not in the interest of children. As I said, it forces the majority to change a fundamental, century long, world-wide, cultural, and religious belief that cannot be redefined because a minority wants it so. Legal scholars have warned that this referendum will infringe on rights of church organizations, pedagogical institutions, society standards, and free speech.
A teenager may say, “Now that I can drive, I know I am supposed to stop at a red light, but do we really have to be judgmental and try to get everyone else to stop at red lights? Does everyone have to do what we do? Don’t others have their agency? Must they behave as we do?” We then explain why, yes, we do hope all will stop at a red light. You have your choice, I respect that, but you cannot bring upon hate speech and further calamities by trying to change laws in the name of fair judgment and love.
Vote to REJECT R-74.
Richard Allis
November 25, 2012 at 4:57 pm
Holly,
Everyone is entitled to have their opinion.
If I get your post correctly, you object to the use of the term’Marriage’. You express your discontent with the religious, political and moral aspects of redeffinition of marriage as it exists already.
Your same sex union issue is valid, to a degree. Who would have protested the validity of same sex union over marriage, ‘IF’ it had the same privelidge and rights assumed with a ‘Legal’ contract of marriage? (Leagal, it wasn’t started as religious…they just ran with it!)
Such fervor over a word. Where were the religious factions when they decided “I” can’t say ‘Merry Christmas’ anymore? Wouldn’t the celebration of the birth of the baby Jesus hold more water over Tim and Tom’s nuptuals? See, it’s kind of funny how we pick and choose our battles sometimes.
I won’t label you as a hater. I understand your right to feel as you choose. LGBT’s feel too. They’re not all going to do the ‘Death till us part’ thingy anymore than the rest of us have proven to date.
The people of this State have voted. Time to get on to more important issues that face us all.
And really, I can’t wait to be invited to my first LGBT wedding! I bet the reception will have the most FABULOUS food!
Terry Miller
November 6, 2012 at 3:30 am
I won’t make one of those long pseudo-intellectual spiels. God has laws he wants us to live by. He showed us what he thinks of homosexuals in Soddom & Gommorah. Have the people of this state forgotten him?